My Need to be Right
Here is a new format we’ll try out.
My randomizer system will pick a real or fictional situation that I have committed to reflect upon, relate to, and then write about.
Today my random pick was: “The Need to Be Right in a Conflict.”
I know many of the others that will be presented to me at a time I do not know, and they will challenge me…
…and I hope you will too.
If you have a topic you would like me to try to resolve through scripture, love, and hopefully wisdom, let me know. Completely anonymous… Just add and click below:
🌎 The World Before the Word
It was a small disagreement.
Not doctrinal. Not political. Not life-altering. Just some opinion about something mostly unimportant. It happens a lot when you are married or have children that know nothing. 😁
Just one of those moments where someone said something I knew was inaccurate. This same thing happens every day to folks— it could be bigger— political, cultural. The “small moment” disagreements feel the same, just with a different level of intensity.
You know the feeling…
You feel it rise immediately.
The internal tightening.
The mental file cabinet opening.
The subtle lean forward in your chair.
You don’t want to embarrass them when it first starts… but how could they be so wrong? A minute ago, you were laughing together about the funny short Instagram someone posted. Now your guard is up.
You just want the record corrected. Maybe even convert them.
But it isn’t always about information.
It more often about position.
And the longer the conversation goes, the more your peace drains — because being right is heavier than being at rest.
No one is yelling (yet).
No one is storming out (yet).
But inside, something is gripping and it threatens to take full control over you.
The Old Reflex
The reflex is subtle:
Control through correctness.
If I can clarify this…
If I can win this point…
If I can secure the narrative…
Then I will feel steady again.
It’s rarely malicious (at least at the start).
Often it feels responsible. Even righteous.
But beneath it lives something deeper:
“If I am not right here, I lose ground.”
The reflex isn’t truth-seeking.
It’s identity-securing.
You aren’t evil for feeling this way— we are wired to react in this way. It is an ancient survival instinct.
In tribal societies, status = survival.
If you lost credibility:
You lost influence.
You lost protection.
You missed out on the hot date.
You risked exile or death.
This is how I justify my need to be right— so I don’t get eaten by my tribe!
🌿 The new Covenant Posture
Romans 12:1 does not begin with behavior.
It begins with surrender.
A living sacrifice does not defend its place at the altar.
So in that moment of surrender, what are you really giving up?
The need to secure identity through argument.
The anxiety of being misrepresented.
The invisible scoreboard. (the one we think everyone can see)
What is released?
The pressure to manage perception.
The urgency to correct every inaccuracy.
The fear that silence equals weakness.
What is no longer carried?
The burden of proving worth.
The strain of guarding status.
What emerges?
Freedom.
The freedom to stay calm.
The freedom to let a moment pass.
The freedom to value relationship over precision. ❤️
Truth is not fragile.
And neither is a surrendered heart.
And you know what? Your silence often carries far greater power than your argument ever would have.
I know I’m right about this… St. Paul is groaning somewhere.
📜 The Word
“Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
— Romans 12:1
Paul writes this to believers in Rome — people living in a culture obsessed with power, rhetoric, and status. Gentiles vs. the Jews, the clean vs. the unclean, and a Roman oppression rejoicing in their separation.
Sacrifice, in that world, was visible and decisive. Often it resulted in death. This sort of thinking back then was revolutionary and carried great risk.
But Paul says: stay alive— stay friends — and surrender anyway.
Not your voice.
Not your intellect.
Your insistence.
Paul’s Grace, his risky doctrine, converted empires! ….and he died for it! You won’t have to but you too can convert your personal repressive empires as well!
In Proverbs 17:12 it is said:
“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
I can’t help but wonder why they mentioned “Man” and not “Woman” here… 🤣 (oh the irony!) …sorry… I couldn’t help myself…
In this verse, Hebrew wisdom ties maturity not to dominance, but to composure.
Restraint is not weakness.
It is formed strength.
When you do not have to win the moment, you reveal you are already secure.
That is real victory and never goes unnoticed.
When you take the other road— you’ll leave an impression all right— but seldom a good one.
🤵 Pastoral Word
The Outcome
Your new freedom develops a peaceful posture. Your “color” shifts from red-orange to blue-violet— and it can be seen and felt by the one you might have battled.
You are no longer carrying a topic of little importance that weighs more than it is worth. You now have strength to carry that which matters more— loving your neighbor.
🙏 Let's Pray
Lord, I release the need to secure myself through being right.
Steady my spirit where I want to defend.
Let surrender feel stronger than control.
Take a slow breath.
The need to be right does not make you strong.
And letting go does not make you small.
You are not held together by arguments.
You are held together by grace.
May your words grow fewer where peace grows stronger.
May your identity rest deeper than any debate.
May you discover that silence, at the right moment,
is not surrendering truth —
it is surrendering fear.
Go today without the weight of proving yourself.
You are already known.
You are already secure.
You are already held.
Amen.
🔥 Carry this With You Today
I do not need to win the moment to remain whole.