Doubt
Hey everyone! If you didn’t get the link to Mary Magdalene series I’m doing it is below. As we lead up to easter I felt compelled to write.
🌎The World Before the Word
You say something that matters to you.
It may be honest.
It may be vulnerable.
It may even be carefully thought through, unlike when I speak.
You offer it in conversation, hoping for understanding. Or even praise.
Then the room grows quiet.
Not a thoughtful silence.
Not the kind that signals reflection.
Just distance.
The conversation moves on.
The response you hoped for never arrives. Except from your mother. ;)
Later the mind begins filling in the silence.
Did I say too much?
Did I say it wrong?
And suddenly the quiet carries more weight than the words ever did.
The Old Reflex
The old reflex is self-interrogation.
We replay the moment.
Every sentence.
Every tone.
Every possible interpretation.
The mind tries to solve the silence like a puzzle.
Sometimes it leads to defensiveness.
Other times it leads to quiet self-doubt.
Either way, the heart becomes tangled in a moment that may never actually be explained.
Usually you just move on because you don’t really want to face it— your words didn’t carry anything of value.
🌿The new Covenant Posture
One must learn to release the need to control how words are received.
Speaking honestly is part of faithfulness.
But the response of others belongs to a space we do not govern.
Under the Christ’s New Covenant, integrity is measured by what we offer—not by how others react.
And there are moments sprinkled through scripture, as I point out below, where Jesus himself struggles with those thoughts. If he did, then we all must.
The only way through is Grace. In this case, probably not full surrender— gotta mantra some courage to keep speaking or we can’t grow.
Courage and Grace steady the heart after the words have left our mouth.
Sometimes silence simply means the moment is not finished yet.
And sometimes it means the seed of truth is resting in soil we cannot see or have not watered.
Either way, peace comes from entrusting the moment to God rather than continuing to manage it internally. That might be a hard and lonely practice when you are passionate about something, but it must be done.
📜 The Word
“A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.”
📖 Ecclesiastes 3:7
These words reflect on the rhythms of human life. The passage reminds us that both speech and silence belong to the proper moments of life.
Words spoken by Jesus on the subject:
“Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand… For this people’s heart has grown dull.” — Matthew 13:13-15
Context: After the Parable of the Sower, Jesus explains why many hear the message but never receive it.
“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” — John 5:39-40
Jesus confronts religious leaders who know the text but miss the Person standing right in front of them.
…and one of my favorites:
“If they do not hear Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead.” — John 5:39-40
How true is that? And just beyond John 5:39, the feeding of the 5000 (John 6:53), I’m pretty sure the original translators left out a few bad words spoken by Jesus. There are dozens’ more.
You can feel it— Jesus’ internal struggle:
Truth spoken plainly
People hearing but don’t understand— even his own disciples
Some publicly resist, some quietly
Jesus grieves, but keeps at it
Jesus never seems to force belief, but he never lowers truth just to keep followers either.
🤵 Pastoral Word
I write every day. I don’t know who may or may not choose to read these words. Early on, when I started, I was pretty invested in the notion that an audience would develop. That idea drove me at first— but I also realized it forced my hand a bit. Making the tone of the work feel off.
Now I tell myself I write for me— and that is mostly true. I have a few readers that almost make it hard for me to skip a day. So, I dig in and write something anyway— and then I feel great. The ‘job’ became my practice; the practice brings me back home.
…and here is the thing— I know I’m way off sometimes. I’ll go back and read something a month later and think, what the heck was I trying to say? I sound so ridiculous! Or the crazy times quite some time after I write, click on a link (I save all that I read and write). I think— whoever wrote that was way off— oops.. that was me! Jesus, who KNEW the truth, had a hard time with his words not being heard while I have a hard time hearing my own sometimes. 😂
So, to all those out there that have spoken, I hear you! I value your words!
My friend and mentor Reverend Chuck, an everyday word that comes to me. I love them and read every one. Folks over at the Clay Jar, or the Daily Bread, I hear you and I thank you! My mom who won’t let me take a day off, my good friends at CLM.
So what is the remedy if you don’t feel heard?
Keep writing! Keep speaking! Remember to listen to your neighbors. Always react with love to the silly things people say.
🙏 Let's Pray
Lord,
May your heart remain open to the quiet work of truth today.
When new understanding appears
or correction gently surfaces,
may you receive it without fear.
Your worth is not measured by always being right.
Your strength is not diminished by honest humility.
Instead, wisdom grows wherever pride loosens its grip.
So walk forward with a teachable spirit.
Let truth refine your thinking,
and let grace steady your heart.
The God who leads His people
is patient in the process of growth.
And as you move through this day,
may humility guide your steps,
peace guard your heart,
and wisdom continue to deepen within you.
Amen
🔥 Carry this With You Today
Humility makes room for grace.
Before the paintings, before the novels, before the arguments and speculation… there was a woman. Her name was Mary Magdalene.